


Maybe I'm free

by bralalaland



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Ambiguous/Open Ending, Break Up, Implied/Referenced Cheating, M/M, Not Beta Read, Open to Interpretation, Post-Break Up, Sorry Not Sorry
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-08
Updated: 2020-07-08
Packaged: 2021-03-05 01:27:15
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,099
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25146190
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bralalaland/pseuds/bralalaland
Summary: Kuroo cheats on Kenma with another girl. Kenma finds out.
Relationships: Kozume Kenma/Kuroo Tetsurou
Comments: 7
Kudos: 39





	Maybe I'm free

**Author's Note:**

> I'm really bad at summaries sorry 😿 also i made this during 12 am so and i was kinda sleepy so i'm sorry for any mistakes ahdjshsk 😔 this is my first time writing after so long so my writing skills are a bit rusty. anyways i hope u guys like it <33

Kenma smiles. He clutches the silver necklace in his hands, attempting to block out the apparent emptiness that ate up his chest. it's supposed to be bittersweet, the way tears fall from his eyes and unto the pavement. yet, somehow, it's cruel--a divine mockery that he would never get what he wanted, what he needed so, so desperately.

He waits under the shade of a looming bus stop, eyes distant and unfocused. He could feel himself disassociating, mind completely numb, legs mildly tingling. The necklace glints almost jeeringly at him, as if reminding him obtrusively of what had transpired earlier. He feels the heavy weight of the ring in his pocket, which was supposed to be a catalyst in their relationship, an abrupt turning point--but now, now it's nothing more than a burden that he carried in his jeans pocket.

"Fuck." Kenma sighs and blinks, snapping out from his disassociative trance. He digs a hand in his pocket, and fishes out his phone. 

15 missed calls from 'Kuroo ♡'.

He stares at the contact displayed on his phone as one would look at gum underneath desk tables--disgust. But he could not deny the small, prickly feeling of hurt rushing through him as soon as he saw the name. How could he not? After all, if in any alternate universe had the plan worked out, Kuroo should have been his fiancé.

Not his ex who he so stupidly caught, cheating on him with another woman, no less.

He blocks Kuroo's contact and turns off his phone. Then he waits. Waits for the bus which should arrive in a few minutes. Waits for a telltale sign that this was all fake. Waits for a love that is--was, never even there.

...

As soon as he arrives home he is welcomed into the warm arms of slumber. The fatigue seeps out of him, and his eyes slowly close until he sees nothingness.

"Kenmaaa! Play with me!" It's 5 year old Kuroo, chubby cheeks and roostee hair pouting at him.

"Kenma come on! Stop being so boring and live a little." He's 11 now, grinning suspiciously like a cheshire cat, clutching a volleyball in his hands.

"Kenma!" 16 year old Kuroo grabs his wrist and stares directly into his eyes. "I love you."

"Kenma wait! I-" It's Kuroo, but he's with another person. Another woman, seemingly in a make out session as he previously sees their lips locked. Kenma slams the door in his face, ignoring the other's hopeless pleas.

And like that, his eyes open. He's greeted by nothing but the stark silence of his apartment. Even in his dreams, the black-haired man had found a way to sneak himself into it. 

Kenma's tired. He's tired of loving, of waiting, of feeling. The one person that he trusts--trusted the most, ever since they were little and young, had chose to go behind his back and stab him with betrayal. There's nothing but emptiness clouding his senses. Out of all the few people that he decided to trust, of course, of course Kuroo had to be the one to fucking break it. He had to be the one to fucking destroy the years and years of friendship and love that they built steadily, and turn it into nothing but ash.

He doesn't notice his tears until he's aware of the sudden wetness of his sheets. He doesn't think, he doesn't speak, and he's alone. So, so alone that it causes a dull throb in his chest.

He stares at the ceiling, mind foggy. Maybe, just maybe, in another time, things would have been okay. But not here. Not now, and not ever. He was never meant to stay.

...

Kenma clutches the necklace again. It was nothing extravagant, just a simple silver chain. Its simplicity was a direct opposition of its true meaning, of how deep it truly meant even though it was only a piece of jewelry. 

Kenma hates pendants, so Kuroo had bought him that instead. Although the former does not fancy accessories or anything of the sort, ths other got him that as a reminder. Kenma 'didn't have to wear it everyday', as Kuroo had said, he just needed to keep it so it coukd serve a memory, as a sign of their strong bond.

In his grasp now, the piece of jewelry looks nothing more like a symbol of deceit. The sweet nothings, the whispered I-love-yous in the middle of thd night, the short laughs shared in between their movie marathons, everything in between--were nothing but distant moments shrouded by lies. 

He glances sparingly at the river in front of him. It sparkles almost ominously under the sunlight. 

Kenma breathes in. Thinks of everything and nothing all at once. Thinks of what could have been, if he had never caught the raven-haired man cheating, or if he never even cheated in the first place. Thinks of them, wearing matching black suits, saying their vows and kissing below the beautifully decorated flower arch as everyone claps and rejoices and wishes them a happy life being bethrothed. Thinks of other possible futures, where they were happy. Where he was happy. 

And those possibilities? He lets them go.

Without any fleeting thought, he throws the necklace forward towards the deep blue waters of the river, throws it far away until he sees it gradually sink.

...

Hinata doesn't question him when he slumps immediately in his friend's embrace. It's the warmth he craved ever since he broke up with his lover, the solace that he hopelessly needed. He allows a few tears to escape from his eyes, trailing silently down his cheeks and unto Hinata's shirt.

"It will be alright." His friend reassuringly whispers under the weight of Kenma's melancholy. He allowed the words to soothe him, to spark a little, budding hope in him.

"What do I do, Hinata?" He asks, ever so crestfallen. A cold feeling settles in his gut--uncertainty, perhaps, of the future that he would have to deal with without his former lover beside him. It's scary, how something as inevitable as the future could turn out so bleak, so empty at just a simple turn of events.

"The game's not over yet." Hinata answers, the corner of his lips quirked up as a small semblance of an uplifting smile. Kenma takes his words to heart. He had been nothing but a gamer, and persistence was a habit and a quality that he picked up along the way. 

Kenma chuckles lightly in response despite the multitude of tears running down his face. Gradually, the lingering pain would subside, and he would have to build up his boundaries again. Granted, it was a step-by-step process and he would make sure that he'd be able to finish it.

...

Sunlight shines through the windows, illuminating the cozy bedroom. Kenma takes off the headset from his ears and stands up, stretching his arms to relieve himself of the slight back pain he encountered whilst playing through a barrage of video games. He grabs his phone trudges out of his room to get his daily dose of caffeine, the patter of his footsteps on the wooden floor lightly echoing in the hallway.

He walks towards the kitchen and sets down his smartphone on the counter, now aiming to make his favorite drink. He grabs the coffeemaker, filling it up with water and instant coffee. The smell of coffee permeates throughout the room and calms his senses, filling it with ease. Then, he fills his mug with the beverage, humming contentedly as he takes a sip, letting the caffeine do its wonders.

It's a warm, sunny morning. He could live with this. This atmosphere of serenity was not one he had experienced in a while, after months of emptiness and doubt. He is proud to say that he had already recovered--from the pain and from the numerous thoughts that chained him, restricted him from being free. He's happy, and he's successful, and he couldn't wish for more. 

While he was drinking, basking in the calm ambience of his home, his phone suddenly buzzes. He raises an eyebrow in response, wondering who would call him at a time like this. He picks up his phone and answers the call instantaneously, albeit carelessly, not making a move to look at the contact.

"Yes?" He answers concisely. And the succeeding response was what he would never have expected in a morning like this.

"Hi." It's a brief reply, but Kenma's breath hitches. He would know that voice anywhere, given the countless years of hearing the same exact tone since he was merely a child.

"K-Kuroo?" Surprise colors his response. It had been almost weird in a way to hear his voice after the many months of the lost communication between them.

He hears a shaky sigh from the other line. "I know I'm an asshole. I know what I did was practically unforgivable. But please, Kenma give me this one chance to explain." He mutters softly. "Please." 

Now, Kuroo may have been nothing short of a dumbass jerk, but they had been friends once. And, for him, it was hard to let go of a friendship more than a broken relationship. They were pretty close, after all, and once knew each other like the back of their hands.

Silence fills the call for a moment until Kenma breathes out a short puff of air. "Fine. Where do you want to meet?" He gruffly asks. 

"Later, at 1 pm. Outside the cafe near the Tokyo shopping district." He could hear the relief in the other's voice. Kenma gives a short grunt in response before ending the call immediately.

He puts down his phone and takes another sip of his coffee. He knew he would have to meet Kuroo again. It was fairly unavoidable. After all, they had mutual friends and their families knew each other. He knew he would have to deal with seeing the other's face until they part ways yet again and lose any forms of contact with one another.

He was not going to say he wasn't ready. He's prepared, and his emotional stability has certainly repaired itself over time. Of course, there still is a tinge of hurt that shot through him everytime he remembers what had happened, but it's mostly clouded over by the willpower and the sheer determination that he still has when he moved on.

Despite the bitter taste of his coffee, he smiled in anticipation.

...

He goes out of his apartment clad in his usual black jacket, ripped jeans, and red converse. It's a short walk from his place towards the shopping district, so he didn't have to worry about being late.

He walks, deep in thought, until he stops in front of the aforementioned cafe. For a moment, he is consumed with contemplation. What happened to Kuroo after all these months? Did anything change? Did he change?

He briefly glances at his watch. It's already 1 pm. He stares disinterestedly at the customers bustling in and out of the coffee shop.

"Kenma." He almost jumps in surprise at the sudden voice. He turns around, and is met by the sight of none other than Kuroo Tetsurou.

"Kuroo." He acknowledges him shortly with a nod. The other still looks the same, except for the way his gaze seems sharper and the way he held himself in a guarded, tense posture.

"Long time no see." Kuroo attempts a sheepish grin, and out of instinct--or just Kenma's plain snarkiness, he rolls his eyes. Kuroo rakes a hand through his hair and chuckles lightly.

"Shall we?" The black-haired man asks, head turning in the direction of the cafe, signalling the other that they should go inside. Kenma accepts his offer, moving towards the entrance.

As Kenma holds the door handle in his hands and opens the glass doors, he somehows has an epiphany.

He didn't know what Kuroo would regrettably say, or how their broken relationship would go after this meeting, but he knew something that would go right one way or another.

Regardless of what the outcome may be, they would heal. There was once a time where Kuroo was Kenma's and Kenma was Kuroo's and their lives were interwoven and connected, they were their own separate identities. Their memories together could serve as only that, mere distant memories or they could be the building blocks for something new and repaired.

Nonetheless, it assured him. And he let a smile paint his lips as he ventures inside with Kuroo, highly expecting what was and what would be.

**Author's Note:**

> i gave it an open ending!! It's up to u guys to decide if kenma eventually gets back w kuroo or he just moves on and gives closure. i would love to hear what u guys think!! :"> feel free to leave a comment below ♡ 
> 
> find me on twt: @lattejoanna ♡


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